Pregnancy Peeved

It’s been 8 months and literally I have yet to buy maternity pants! If your thinking “wow! That’s great, she must not be gaining weight”…you’re wrong.  I have gained more than enough for two maybe three pregnant women. See, when I first got pregnant EVERY woman in this entire world felt the need to tell me just exactly when I would gain weight in my pregnancy and when I would need to be jumping into those lovely maternity pants. Most claim to LOVE them, but personally…what’s more unattractive then low wasted jeans with a foot long stretchy band cloth like thing that basically goes up to your chin?? Comfortable?? Perhaps, but if you know me you know I’m stubborn. I admit, I didn’t need such pants until about 5 almost 6 months pregnant. I made sure to squeeze into every pair of pants that I already owned before going out and spending money on ugly pants for the next four months. To me, that’s pointless.  When I could no longer squeeze into those pants (wait, maybe it was when I started popping buttons?) Well; whenever it was, I went out and bought larger sized pants…That’s right, jeans for the “curvy women”. Ha! How about that for all those that said I would be in maternity pants by month four.  Suckers.  Leggings, and “curvey women” stretchy jeans…You are my hero.

Another pregnancy pet peeve of mine - WHY is it that everyone says things like…

·         “If you haven’t gotten stretch marks yet, you will.

·         “If you haven’t gained over 25 pounds, you will.

·         “If you don’t have heart burn yet, you will.

·         “If you’re still sleeping thru the night, just wait…Your going to get so fat and uncomfortable soon that you won’t be able to sleep thru the night”

·         “If you boobs are not each separately the size of watermelons, just wait…they will be”

·         “If your feet don’t match Fred Flintstones yet, they will.

·         “Bet you don’t last past month six working on your feet all day”

·         “If your face isn’t as big as your belly yet, just wait….it will be. (Okay, maybe I made that one up but only because my face literally is as pregnant as my belly)

I just don’t understand why anyone would think that my pregnancy is going to be just like theirs.  Those types of comments are exactly what make me so stubborn.  It’s been eight months and I have yet to complain until now.  I work full time, still on my feet 8 hours a day and have yet to miss a day due to pregnancy in all of these eight months. Yes, some of these things may happen in my last month (even if it was “supposed” to happen months ago) but honestly WHY does anyone care? Sounds to me like those that went thru all those complications want every other pregnant woman to go thru the same.

There, I’m done with my pregnancy bitch fest. So, on to the funnies. So far, my pregnancy is going great! I truthfully can’t complain about anything other than getting fatter. Which I know, it’s just what happens and what comes along with it all and needs to be accepted, BUT it’s hard! You wouldn’t think putting on shoes is hard but with a massive belly like mine, I need to wake up five minutes earlier every morning! Because putting them on never fails to run me late for work.  I should probably wake up ten minutes earlier because I need an additional five minutes just to roll out of bed.  I swear the only thing that makes me move fast these days, is if a bug or spider is near me and I need to make a quit exit to the bathroom to grab my strong hold hair spray so I can freeze kill it! That’s right, it freezes them in place so my husband can come home and finish the job so I don’t have to touch those nasty little creatures.  The other thing about having a massive belly that I’m not use to is trying to fit into the places that I’m used to fitting in. Some things as simple as opening the door just enough for me and my normal size belly to fit thru, forgetting that there is more that needs to go thru now. I always hit my belly on things, trying to squeeze into my normal places. I can no longer fit between our shampoo bowls at work. The girls have to leave the end ones open for me.  If I try to fit between the shampoo bowls my belly touches one bowl and my pregnant butt touches the one behind me. This is neither cool, nor okay for the client trying to enjoy a nice shampoo in the bowl behind me.  I even accidently hit my clients with this large belly. The worst is when I have boys or men clients in my chair that are not as comfortable with pregnancy as most women. I might accidently bump their arm, and say “I’m sorry” as they lightly try to move their arm off the arm rest and slowly under the cape to hide it from another catastrophe such as my belly bumping into them again.

Well, that’s all for now! I’ll try to post a few more times before Britton comes the end of December, and keep those of you interested, updated!