I know, I know…I am literally the worlds worst at keeping up
with my blog. See, mommy hood struck me HARD. Once Britton arrived I suddenly
forgot how to multitask. I couldn’t answer my phone or text anyone back, I didn’t
have time to have visitors NOR did I have time to shower…I was a walking zombie
who would forget to eat and couldn’t sleep (even if I wanted to). I was
learning how to be a mom. I am not going
to lie this was the hardest job I’ve ever had in my entire life! Very much
rewarding but very very VERY hard to figure out. As you know thru my past blog writings, people
liked to tell me exactly how my pregnancy was going to go. SO HOW COME NO ONE
TELLS YOU HOW HARD THE FIRST MONTH IS GOING TO BE? I like to be warned people….maybe
not when it came to my pregnancy but tips on preparing for that first month
would be been nice. Ha….
Keep reading….if you don’t, that first paragraph is going to
make you think I don’t like being a mom. The word LOVE is a total
understatement for the way I feel about being a new mom. There literally is
nothing in the world like it.
Let’s talk Delivery! I’ve seen beautiful pictures of my
friends with their new sweet babies RIGHT after delivery and they look amazing.
Almost like the baby walked itself right out of the womb with not a single
sweat particle on them. Well….Let’s just
say I was wrong when I thought I would look like the same person that walked in
the hospital, after delivery. WRONG. Way way wrong.
We were at the hospital and in labor by 2:00 in the afternoon
December 30th! Which was perfect because I was going to push him
right out (easily) before midnight so he didn’t have to have his birthday on
the New Years Eve holiday. My plans were just that, and Derek and I were going
to share a sweet moment overlooking our new baby boy new years eve night in the
hospital with some smuggled champagne, celebrating this new life along with the
new year.
Well, that’s not really how it happened. My family came for
support which was super awesome of them even though I wasn’t allowing them to
be in for actual delivery. Knowing they were there meant so much. Even when I
was having contractions like crazy and didn’t look like I loved anyone at the
time, I truly did. If I remember correctly I went from 4 cm to 7 cm in a matter
of 5 minutes. SO I went from an okay
nervous Jessica to a NO ONE TALK TO ME Jessica, as I gripped the bars of the
bed not knowing why they suddenly got worse.
The nurse walks in and checks me…”oh my God, family out!
Hurry, we will let you back in when we figure out what’s going on”. My face if
it wasn’t already white, turned white. A team of nurses rushed in and I quickly
got stabbed with a needle and some sort of medicine into my left shoulder. We
find out that Brittons heart rate had nearly stopped. The medicine made me
convulse, but sped his heart rate right back up. Poor Derek was standing back
after being pushed aside wide eyed and feeling helpless I’m sure. This happened
a number of times. The medicine they pumped into my system stopped ALL my labor
each and every time to boost Brittons heart rate. These nurses had me rolling
over in all directions trying to get his heart rate up. They even turned me
upside down. Seriously...in the bed, nearly upside-down. Ask Derek, I’m sure it
was a pretty site. All kinds of thoughts were running thru my head but I lay
there speechless asking no questions just praying everything was going to be okay.
At one point I know I said “We’ve come
too far to lose him”. That may sound dramatic to you but this was my delivery,
so to me it was the most traumatic experience ever. The emergency team rushed
in and threw out all the tools for an emergency C-Section. I was throwing up, had
blown blood vessels in my eyes and crying. This wasn’t the delivery I thought I
would have. To make it worse the nurses and Doctor were having spats right in
front of me about what they should do. In the middle of pushing Brittons heart
rate flat lined…Everyone stopped and stared at the machine and my Doctor said
to the nurses “What, are you going to do, pump her with the medicine again??”
He was being a smart ass because he was ready for me to have this baby not only
because the hospital was so busy and he was needed but for Brittons safety. They
said Britton couldn’t handle anymore and had to come out. When the heart rate didn’t
show back up, the doctor first tried the vacuum. Thank God we didn’t have to do a c-section and
out came my sweet baby boy. Because of everything that had gone on I couldn’t hold
him immediately. Derek and I sat there stunned at what we just went thru as
Britton just stared at us while the doctors were checking him out. We were so
overcome by his sweet face that we didn’t realize that he hadn’t cried. Finally,
a wimper came out that brought tears to both of our eyes. It was the sweetest
wimper I had ever heard. Until the doctor burst our bubble “This isn’t the cry
we want”. Apparently they are supposed to cry pretty loud. They did several
tests and after what seemed like hours we finally we got to hold him. All I
could say after seeing him was “I could totally do this again”. Everything we
went thru was so worth all the pain and trouble. The instant connection you get
is such an amazing feeling.
As the nurse took us
to our room it was 5 in the morning (EXHAUSTED was the word for the next three
days in the hospital). She told us how hard the day was and that there were 74
babies born.They were short staffed and EVERY delivery on my hallway was an
emergency c-section. She said the nurses were determined that mine not be. Her
exact words “I’m not going to lie to you, we were all so scared for your baby”.
Those words nearly made me cry. The thought of leaving the hospital with no
baby was a thought that never crossed my mind. It truly made me grateful and
made me appreciate the experience so much more.
I’m convinced that nothing in my life comes easy BUT that it’s
all worth it. Britton is now a healthy 3 ½ month old. He has the most adorable
face (but I’m a little partial). I’ve finally learned to multi task and I now
know how to get out of the house WITH my baby. Haha I’m just now finding time
to get back in shape and I’m able to travel with him to go see family and
friends. BUT the thing I’m most pleased with is my ability to dodge the pee
stream. SCORE!
That first month may have been so hard but I learned so much
and being a mom now feels like second nature. Those four o’clock in the morning
feedings are so much easier on me, especially when he smiles at me behind the bottle
letting milk spill. He is such a loving baby, constantly smiling and rarely
crying. His smile and his patience make me want to give him the world.
SO I may not have had the most easy delivery…and I
definitely didn’t come out of the hospital looking like I did when I came in
and I most definitely didn’t get that smuggled champagne I so desired for new
years eve…BUT I came out of the hospital with a husband that I now looked at differently.
I had a whole new love for him. Seeing him love Britton and hold him the way
that he did, and all the help that he was made me want to be a better person. We came out of that hospital with a new
meaning of what is like to be a protector and to be selfless …and most importantly we came out of
that hospital a family of three.
